Some of you may have heard but I’m sure that most of you haven’t. My host mom passed away on Sunday. We all greave different ways and I need to work through my thoughts about everything. The best way I can think of to do that is to do a tribute blog about her. She was one of the most amazing people I have ever met (I hate when people only say nice things about people after they die but I honestly can’t think of one thing that I could say about her that is bad). I like to write in bullet points so I’m going to list the things that made Alma eje (eje is used in Kyrgyz for older women and it’s a sign of respect) the wonderful human being that she was.
• Apa (mother in Kyrgyz and what I called her) always made me feel like I was a part of the family. Many volunteers feel like they are guests renting out a room, but I was loved and cared for just the same as anyone else here. I would come home from long days at school and she would be there with chai and would sit with me and talk to me about my day. I always knew that I could talk to her about anything even if I didn’t know how to say it. She would sit patiently and wait for me to finish what I was trying to stay with my childlike language ability to express myself.
• My worst day of school I came home and just wanted to be alone. My head hurt from being so frustrated. I had taught the worst class in the school and they were throwing chairs, hitting one another, yelling, and just causing a ruckus. When I got home I went straight to my room and I got a knock at my door a couple minutes later telling me to come drink tea. I got up, reluctantly because I just didn’t want to think or do anything at that moment, but I drank tea with her. When I was sitting there my eyes started to well up with tears and she asked me what was wrong. I told her the whole story through my broke Kyrgyz and tears and she just listened. When I was finished she told me that she understood (she taught for 26 years and had been through it all) and that the other volunteer that lived here before me for two years had the same problems. She also told me that after a year my language will be better and I will be able to control the classroom better. She helped calm me down and made me realize that I will be able to make it though the next two years of being in a foreign country w/o my friends and family from home.
• If we were all sitting at the dinner table and everyone was having a conversation about something she would stop and take the time to explain to me in simpler terms what they were talking about. Even if it was about something that didn’t pertain to me or wouldn’t matter to me either way she always wanted me to feel included. I remember a day when they were just talking about their sheep, how many they had, and how they were going to come home and when. There was no reason that I needed to know that, but she was thoughtful enough to understand that it’s nice to know what people are talking about. I had the most interesting conversations with her at the dinner table around 9pm (because that is usually when we eat dinner here). We could sit there for 1.5-2 hours talking about anything; a tv show, elections and comparing the difference between the US and KG, military, holidays, childhood stories… she would think of a topic of the night and see where it went from there.
• I never heard her yell at anyone. I lived with three children (her grandchildren) on a regular basis and several more that came and went throughout these past 16 months and she always found other ways to guide them and teach them.
• We would listen to the children play and laugh in the other room and would talk about how a child’s laugh is one of the best sounds in the world.
• This summer we were making plans of constructing a shurdok (Kyrgyz rug) together. We picked out the colors and everything. I was really looking forward to not only sitting down and making it with her, but also spending that time with her and practicing my language. She is one of the most patient and even tempered people I have ever met.
• Ever since last summer I have witnessed her with her friends and neighbors. It has been very interesting because I will listen in on their conversations when we were all drinking tea or they were making felted wool for rugs and the friends would gossip about each other. She would just sit there, never say anything about anyone but just be a sounding board. Other times she would joke about the neighbors being drunk and not be good workers because they came late or because they worked slowly, but it was always in good humor. I would tell her stories about what they would say to me or do to me (the drunk female neighbors) and we would laugh and laugh. She had the best laugh.
• My friends who have met her all join me in saying how wonderful she is. I had a long conversation with another volunteer about how we had the best two host moms in country. We couldn’t decide between the two who was better because they were so different, but I still say that Alma eje is #1 in my book.
• I know that she impacted a lot of lives here as well as mine. Over this past year of her leaving to go to Bishkek for treatments and other things I couldn’t go a week without several people asking me if she had come home yet or when she will be coming home. She taught for 26 years at the school I now work at. She was an active member in her community and she loved everyone.
• She had been in and out of the hospital and treatment for a year and this summer she came home because she knew that my friends were coming from the US to visit. She rode in a taxi for over 6 hours to meet them. When I came through the gate it had been a couple months since I had seen her last and she hugged me so hard. She wouldn’t let go. It was at that moment I knew how much I meant to her as well.
I will forever remember my host mom for the amazing woman that she was. She made my life in Kyrgyzstan better and I will use the things she taught me for the rest of my life. The best thing I can do for her is to have her live on in me.
Alma eje (Apa), I love you and I will miss you! You will forever be in my heart. Thank you for all the love you have given me. I could not ask for a better Kyrgyz mother.
